February 2012
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MY EX-BOYFRIEND IS THE EPITOME OF "DO AS I SAY,...
Seriously. I was mad-stalkin’ on twitter, and he was all, “OMFG YOU GUYS HOW CAN YOU TWEET ABOUT FOOTBALL WHEN THERE ARE [ISSUES HE VAGUELY KNOWS ABOUT].”
And a bit later, he tweeted “guzzlin’ wasabi mustard every day.”
I don’t mean to be a bitch but:
I MADE THE RIGHT DECISION.
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TO QUOTE MY DRUNKEN/SLEEPY BOYFRIEND:
“HEY! Hey. I just thought of a good opener. ‘How do you feel about how all of these hip-hop moguls are somethin’ somethin’ on ya?’”
“Uh, opener for what?”
“What? Wait…what’d I say?”
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